k.. this is to u.. dear.. i noe u feel stress about everything now.. yur life.. yur studies yur family health.. and us.. i shall give u time to cool down k.. i realli worry about u.. now if u see me i tink u wun regconise me.. i slim dwn 2 kg!! and my face is thin.. due to i'm sick.. i am sick ever since u left me stun that day when u suddenly hung up on me.. and stressed due to yur father's illness.. i wish him a speedy recovery i realli do.. i tot alot about the stuffs u said and the stuffs i said.. it made me cry alot u noe.. its been so long i ever cry that much.. i lost all motivation to do anything anymore.. cos u are my light.. my pathway to a better life.. now without yur presence i'm just a fish in a sea.. aimlessly and lonely.. no amount of games or friends or even beautiful woman can cheer me up now.. cos all i realli want now is you... u r my light, my will to live my.. everything.. u stepped in mylife and lived a mark.. it will nv be washed away.. u rem yur promised? u will give me wad i lack during my childhood? the warmth and all those stuff i lacked.. u will give me? i'm not stressing u.. u noe.. i said i will give u time.. but pls.. if u wish to be alone.. dun ignore me.. ignore my calls.. my msges.. it hurts like hell u noe? to u.. it may seem nth.. but to me.. u noe it's like the end of the world.. now the fewlin i'm having is like.. i canot breathe.... i'm always at the usual spot waiting for yur arrival.. even if i'm not there.. u will sense my presence i noe u will.. cos we r mirror after all.. i noe u dun wish to tell me everything is due to not stressing me.. but do u noe.. by not telling me.. and allow me to tink elsewhere.. i'm more stress? right now i'm even suffering from somthing i canot describe.. i'm dizzy keep vomitting.. and i can;t eat or slp well.. when i slp i kept whispering yur name.. when i open my eyes its always tears.. the feeling is worse den death.. the ring is still hanging on my neck.. i will nv remove it till i lie 6 inches below u noe.. i did promise that b4.. i realli miss u alot.. i wana cherish u i hope u will still cherish me.. i noe i'm yur 1st.. but i wish u will love me as much as back den u noe.. my feelings for u nv falter.. i will still run to u if u ask me to.. cos i realli love u.. my vision duno why is fading esp my right eye.. i am scared but i dun dare let u noe.. mayb u wun even read this but i guess i better write it down in case i dun ever have the chance again.. i feel that i am weaker by the day.. i duno how long i can maintain my body till i drop down .. i wish tat b4 i drop i could see u smiling and luffing with me.. biting me as usual.. the silent treatment u gave me is the most painful i ever had in my 20 yers of life.. y wun u let me touch yur life? y u suddenly turn this way? i noe u got yur probelms.. but i could try to help.. u can let me noe yur trouble right? i may not help u right.. but at least i can suffer the pain with u right? it will lighten yur load u noe.. i miss u alot... i duno if u miss me anot.. but right now even in tears i am.. missing u like crazy.. how can u she de let me be like this? sigh.. i realli need u ruby/ hui ling/ ling er/ dear~ i wonder if i lie on the hospital bed will u be there for me when i open my eyes.. u did say b4 u wud'nt leave me if i ever lose my sight right.. rem? at lot 1 that day.. i had been trying to find a field of dandelion for u if u din noe.. cos i rem the 1st time we at the pond.. u said u luv dandelions... my grandpa saw my state guess wad he told my parents? like a sick bird.. he will lose the will to live if the mate nv shows up.. hah.. typical geezer.. scare my parents.. but i duno i realli kinda lost the will to recover.. i 1st time sick for 4 days.. 4 days.. since u last spoke to me.. it felt like 4 months already.. u noe.. fever again.. sigh.. k... i hope u read this.. ruby.. i love you.. u noe it.. deep down yur heart.. right?
Shawn Says  Jana~ 9:44 PM |
right now.. i am so sad and scared.. cos dear's dad got hospitalised i duno for wad.. but from my heart i am praying he recover.. she is stressed out i duno from what i tink mayb is of me.. i shud not have forced her to celeb her bday with me.. i shud b big hearted abit.. i am such a moron sum times.. but i am just abit pissed cos we agreed on her bday we go beach stayover night.. but now things changed.. nvm ba i guess.. now more impt is her family of course.. i wish her family all healthy of course.. i dun wan her sad also what.. she said she gave up everything.. i am very sad.. does tat mean me too? noo! i dun wana.. i am so sad.. i am sobbin now.. i duno y but i canot control.. tears keep coming out.. i dun wana lose her.. i loved her very deeply.. more deeply den ever b4.. cos my whole family loved her as well.. and i already consider her part of my family.. and i love her for who she is.. i wish she wud not give up.. i wish she wud think carefully.. the birth day most is next year den celeb ba.. dad comes 1st u noe ^^ i wish i could visit him too.. u could lie to him i'm yur fren or anything.. pls.. i realli am worried k.. we r happy together and now u dun wan it? how can tat be? pls... think carefully.. u can keep everything me yur friends yur family.. if u wud aloow it.. u must face the prob instead of running u noe.. sigh.. i willing to face it with u.. or even be yur shield.. and sumtimes yur sword.. if u let me.. if u dun use me i will nv shine.. i am at yur disposal u noe... u must use me!! must make me shine..!! cos i love u.. i will shine for u.. and only YOU u understand? i noe u can feel my heart right.. i wish u could tok to me about yur probs.. now and den.. i wana help u break dwn the probs together.. dat way we can share the burden right.. ^^ tats wad i'm for u noe.. i'm not just sum1 u can hug or kiss.. but i'm also a close buddy u can tok to de.. realli.. just ask me out 1 day i will listen to u all day and advise u.. pls.. dear.. i dun wish to lose you.. and now i updated my blog.. i nv lie to u right.. ^^ dun be stress.. u will do well de.. ^^ ove u always frm 1st july till end of my life
| Shawn Says Jana~ 11:58 PM |
right now i felt so useless.. dear feeling so sad yet i canot do anything.. she dun wan me to disturb her?!!! sigh!! so i am an outsider now.. i realli felt hurt by the wrds he is the only guy whu noes the true me.. so wad am i?? i am being emotional here.. i noe.. but wad u expect me to feel? happy? its not i dun care.. its just.. i duno wad to say.. right now i felt much lot worse den her.. yet i canot say i dun wana give her stress now that she stress up.. i went to lot 1 bought her a present just now.. i nv ate for 2 weeks just to save enuff for that.. and now she is like very sad.. wad should i do?? how can i help?? i felt so useless.. its like she is shutting herself frm me.. HER boyfriend! .. why?! I felt angry and disappointed at the same time.. this feelin.. i tot i will never have it again.. y she wana hide frm me.. i'm only 2nd to her friends.. i dun mind initally.. but now is like.. i am a total stranger to her now.. am i thinking too much or just that i am totally breaking down? Looking at the gifts i just bought.. tears brim my eyes.. i am so angry.. not with her.. but myself.. why did i shout at her yest?! i prepare to make a deal with the devil himself to extend her grandma life span even if it means take mine aways for 1 yr or 2.. i just dunwana see her like this.. it pains me.. to see her in this state.. she totally ignore me. she somtimes do things hurt my feelings she wun noe.. can;t blame her also.. cos she's stressed out.. she wud not even let me visit her grandma.. i was like disappointed.. my care n concern.. she totally shrugged off like that.. kinda.. i'm having a fvever and yet i did these things for her.. i reali hope she will b her normal self.. *no 1 noes me like him* this phrase.. it attached to my heart like a nail thru a plank of wood.. its bleeding internally now.. i was like.. MY CAMP destroy my life... i'm no longer my usual self.. all thats left behind is just a fucking shell.. i got no soul i got no heart.. i'm lost.. my lights have dimmed.. i got no more mood to carry on this post.. hope tml she will be fine.. P.S dear.. i wish yur grandma recover soon.. i realli do.. i love u alot and dun wana see u in this state.. k?
| Shawn Says Jana~ 11:23 PM |
Currently I in camp, and I miss my dear dear a lot. How I wish I can go home and find her to give her a big hug for a minute. Feeling so stress nowaday, I am sorry to make my dear dear worry for me. And I love her very much. I wish I could hold her right now and hug her tightly wishing the time would stop. Ok... End le... The shortest post ever.
*written by dear dear(haiz.........)*
| Shawn Says Jana~ 6:03 AM |
today sick le neh.. but i must continue to write this thingy.. cos i say i will do it de.. that toot toot de dear.. in my house.. we ben lai wana do the jig saw de.. in the end.. only she do.. cos i bed ridden.. i'm sry dear. love you.. hha.. silly de her.. dream of me as a fu xing ren... peng.. i'm not lo.. baka~!!.. heh.. this gal ah.. i luv her very much.. i also duno y.. but my heart just wans to be wif her.. nv see her 1 day i also will die those feeling lo.. lol.. die my singlish becomin more jia lat.. gana influence by her..lol..k la.. she ask me go sleep le.. T.T jana.. will update soon..
| Shawn Says Jana~ 5:00 PM |
i'll cut it short since i'm super tired n abit giddy.. today i went to np to fetch her.. cos i heard frm her she abit unwell.. giddy.. so i after camp i sright rush to np.. when i reached le.. she say i late.. *humph*.... wad only..now tat piggie.. dao me cos i say i marry her.. peng seh.. she ah.. i duno le la.. wad i say she also dun like.. i duno wad to do le.. i wana die le.. sighz so stressed!!! how to make her see i realli nv bluff her.. tat i;m so f*ckin stressed?? over my army job as a clerk.. !@#! ppl office got alot of clerk to do diff job.. while for me.. i solo clerk.. bsbh (bao shan bao hai) i canot even sit for 30 sec.. let alone eat my meals regularly.. sigh.. canot even sleep tat well.. cos i scare fone ring is them call.. but when ever i see is deard ear call de.. i very happi.. cos she can make me feel alot better.. forget abt my wrk.. wee.. luv u dear.. today i enjoy the movie.. thanks wor.. muackz..
| Shawn Says Jana~ 11:55 PM |
lalala happi wor this few days with sum1 special.. yest was wif her by the water.. just the two of us.. we listen to the water.. closed our eyes n feel the wind.. tilt our head n see the sky.. it was breath taking.. totally.. cos i had to book in by 2330.. i left at abt 2100+ as we abt to walk to the light.. she suddenly said give me a big hug.. she gently tug me. towards her den hold me tight.. i was stone for a moment.. as she was always the shy party.. but i'm glad sumhow.. i hugged her tightly den we walked back to the mrt hand in hand. Today.. was nice.. we were at the same place..same time.. same ppl (just us!!) but the atmosphere was abit dull.. i duno why either.. mayb she was sleepy.. *baka*.... as she lie on my shoulder.. i held her close den out of no where the wind picked up.. n it was the same feelin.. i finally got her dwn on the grass wif me.. (dun anyhow link... ppl please......) we lay side by side with her sleeping in my arms.. cos i told her i'll wake her up..as i observed her sleepin.. i was thinking.. either i'm a good 'bed' or she realli is tired.. she was sound asleep.. so cute when she sleep.. my back and leg cramped but i dun dare to move incase i'll wake her.. as i woke her up 30 mins ltr.. she asked for sumore mins.. which i obliged.. but then.. RING RING.. mum callled.. idiot man.. she sat up and cuddle her legs.. while i chatted on the phone wif my mum.. (gee thanks alot mum~! *roll eyes*) i hang up like 1 min ltr.. and i sat up next to her to cuddle her close .. cos i realise she was cold.. *she wore her jacket* i gave her a quick smooch on her cheek and asked her to sleep for just a little while.. in appreciation she gave me a smooch on my lips.. heh next she claim i stole her kiss.. =.=" fine fine dear.. wadever.. i stole yur kiss. which u gave willingly.. lol :P both sides win.. ^^ i gtg sleep soon.. cos tml i got alot to do.. yea.. night and take care.. love you dear.. love yur little suprise.. ^^ i'll keep it well.. wun let it touch water.. i promise.. jana~
| Shawn Says Jana~ 11:49 PM |
I am an twenty-year-old ChiPanese who is currently Serving the Singapore Arm Forces. I enjoy reading, drawing, intelligence, and sarcasm. My goals in life include being a successful swindler, a professional liar, and maybe someone you could bring home to meet mom with.(XD)
